Thoughts on Having a Number Two…

As anyone knows Christian and this new baby will be almost four (4) whole years apart.  Give or take a couple of weeks.  The spacing between them has been partly because we felt we should make sure we actually would have an income and insurance before heading into our second round of parenting and the other reason is…I have a very vivid memory of what was going through my head as Christian was born…

“Women who have more than one child are Masochistic!”

So, perhaps I am a little masochistic!  Or maybe I do have some memory loss…Or maybe I really have been craving that sweet baby smell and the cuddles and the rush of excitement when my baby learns something new…  Who knows?  I really haven’t felt some spiritual pull this time…not like last time at all.

I have however had a 3-year-old tell me over hundreds of times “I want a baby sister”.

Last night while Christian was dancing around the kitchen, I noticed that the length of his T-shirt was soon going to be more of a belly shirt.  So I commented that it was time to retire his shirt.  Christian just smiled and said…

“I guess we’ll just have to have another boy so that he can wear this shirt.”

I’m still wondering how the sibling rivalry thing will work out once his baby sister shows up!

I really never have thought very hard about how many kids I want.  I know I want what I can handle but how will I know until I have reached my absolute limit?  I have been planning on taking each child on one at a time and then I see when I can’t take it any more.  Who knows?  After I give birth this time, I may never want to try again (especially considering the level of sick I felt for months this time)!  I also have a little of what’s called “survivors guilt” where I feel so bad for my different friends who’ve lost babies or who just can’t get pregnant…then it makes me wonder, “If I’m having a baby myself, am I hurting my friends?”  or if I don’t have more children, “Am I doing something wrong or hurtful but not wanting another?”…I guess this is why we’re all given agency and have to figure out what is the best for us and our family.

I have been training with my Hypno-babies CD’s and they are helping me to feel so much more positive about birthing in general.  My favorite CD is the “Joyful Pregnancy Affirmations”.  You are supposed to listen to it every single day to help your mind-set become a more positive one.  It makes me feel much more optimistic about how things will be for my birthing.  When I was preparing to have Christian I was so positive about how things would be…until I was driven positively crazy by people wondering and calling and coming over asking “Where’s the baby?” when I was two weeks over due.  In the hypno-babies workbook and on the support group, there’s a lot of talk about how stress can prolong your labor let alone delivery.  My favorite affirmation this time is “Babies are born on their birthdays, not when doctors decide”.  This is what I wanted for last time…but after about a dozen or so phone calls and a few knocks on my door each day I felt so pressured to have my baby that I just went ahead and was induced.  So, if I haven’t had the baby yet, please don’t ask…

I’ll let you know when I know!  [And if you’re annoying enough to ask me before I tell you, maybe I won’t when it does happen ;)]

I’m actually planning on having the baby around January 27th because then it can share a Birthday with Mozart and one of my best friends!

Really, I want my baby to come when it’s the right time for her to come.  I read my Grandma’s history and learned that all but one of her babies were born late—maybe some people just are slow bakers.  Who knows?  Christian wasn’t a large baby.  He was actually pretty average (though he was 21.5” long).

I’m honestly a little less nervous in some ways for this baby and a little more in other ways.  I have lots of “plans” for decorating and preparing her nursery, but as the days go by I’m less inclined to nest and more inclined to revel in my time not having a tiny baby to care for.  Weird huh?  I guess I know more what I’m headed for and I’m relishing sleeping (mostly) through the night and being able to go to the restroom without figuring out how to keep the baby safe (especially from a well-meaning big brother) while I take a minute to myself.

I’m still as picky as ever about what I want for the nursery…the only problem is, there really isn’t anything that I’ve found that fits the bill yet so I’m just biding my time on the look-out for something that inspires me.  I’m excited to have this baby, I’m just happy with the time that I have to prepare and not worry about her constant care yet.  If I’m taking good care of me I’m taking the best care of my baby that’s in my power.

Another concern is naming my baby.  Jared and I are both really good at coming up with names that we like that the other one does not…it’s quite frustrating.  I always feel like I got shortchanged when it comes to name meanings (a flowering shrub).  So I want my children to have names with beautiful, if not profound meanings.  Thus Christian (Follower of Christ) Nathanael (Gift).  So what in the world do I pick for a girl that I want to have a name that will help her feel lovely and important without having a stupid nick-name attached (that isn’t already taken by one of my friends)?  Very tough!

So, I’m relishing all of the time I have before this baby comes because I know it will be life changing and difficult and that I may find myself wondering (throughout any given day) what in the world I was thinking?  Girls are drama…I know that because behold…myself!  I hope that I can be the mother this baby needs and wants so that she can become the woman God intends her to become but to be honest…I’m a little scared though I am preparing to start a new adventure!