Being a Stay-at-Home Mom

Especially ever since I started the Spring semester where I had no classes left and nothing else to do but graduate I've been feeling torn between teaching and being at home with my boy.  Because we're moving to AZ and I will have to do a lot of extra things in order to get a license there I have been debating getting my AZ license or just staying home with my boy.  It drives me crazy that everyone asks me when I'm going to start teaching.  I am very torn.

Why I'm so torn is I love teaching, I really truly do.  I love the kids.  I love figuring out various methods to convey ideas I love the moments when concepts click and student's have light-blub moments.  I also love my little boy.  I love watching him learn.  I love it when he comes to cuddle in my bed every morning to wake me up and he asks for a baby sister and we talk about little things.  This morning he was asking me why everyone has a belly button when they’re “kinda funny things”.  I was trying to explain the umbilical cord that every baby needs to give nourishment to it’s growing body when it lives inside its mommy’s tummy.

I also sometimes feel like when I’m home days go too fast as apposed to the sometimes long days I had while teaching.  It’s a difficult choice.  One thing that helps me want to be with Christian is the moments when he comes to me and holds my arm and leans into me and says “You’re the best mommy”.  What else could melt someone’s heart so completely?  So for now, I want to be with my little boy.

I'm Sick of Smelling!

For the last few weeks I have been getting really sick of our apartment. It's not that I hate it (because there are some nice things about it like "free Internet" and "free cable") but it's not the most pleasant place to live. The worse thing is that every time the people upstairs do their dishes my sink fills with stinky bubbles! It's totally gross!!! I can't stand the smell and I have to run the disposer every night and the stench just makes me gag and gag. Yuck. Everything else that already bothered me about this place like the cinder block walls just seems compounded with the negativity I feel about everything at this place. I've honestly been considering starting to pack I'm so excited to live in a place that has a nicer kitchen (everything we saw in Phoenix is 10X's better than what we've got right now) as well as real walls that I'm not fighting mold (the A.C. also has a peculiar smell which is pretty unbearable). I also can't wait to live in a place with just one more room than we have right now. I'm praying that there is an availability for a three-bedroom apartment when we move because I really need one!

So after all of my wishing I could stay in Utah I've decided that I'm more excited to get out of this apartment. This is good. If we did stay in Utah, I'd have to live here for at least another year and maybe 18 more months which I really don't know if I can take the gross factor much longer. Thank goodness Heavenly Father has my best interest in mind even though I was a little concerned that Jared wasn't offered a paid position here and only one in AZ. So, even though I'll miss my family and my friends, it may be really good for our marriage as well as our little family. We can be more cohesive as a unit and be able to create more traditions and memories just together since we've really have had a limit amount of time to actually do anything together besides family dinner each night which I pretty much have insisted on when it was reasonable.

So, at least Heavenly Father knows what I really need and right now it seems I really need to get out of this stinky apartment that causes me to gag spontaneously from the stench.