Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Finding a balance

I've been pondering lately on the concept of being content. It seems that so many influences in our lives try to get us to want more, more, more. Clothes that have more style...or just more clothes. A nicer house, a nicer car, a better school for our kids, a better body, more money, more vacations...etc. More of everything no matter what it is you do have, there's always something better. Of course it is true that there is always going to be something better out there than what we have. I do think that obsessing about things that we don't have right now breeds disconent. Being a little disconent of course is a good thing if it inspires us to be better and work harder but only to a point. Being discontent seems to hamper our gratitude level and how blessed we feel and can actually blind us to the joy that we could be reveling in.
For example, I have been wanting a house for years. I was incredibly excited to move into the beautiful area that we live in and a nice house that though it needs a little work, is more than what I ever had imagined in the beginning of my "home dreams". The weird thing about this area, is that in the ward that we live in, there are some homes that are a little bit bigger with more bells and whistles than the homes in our neighborhood.
This didn't bother me at first but after some disparageing remarks from some women in my ward about our neighborhood, our home, our furnishings (or lack of), I became caught up in a little "comparison" game in my mind. I was annoyed at those who thought what I didn't have wasn't enough but I also started second-guessing myself that I really did want the things that they thought I should have. Along with that came discontentment with the blessings that I had originally been so excited to have. In conjunction with that, I was missing my friends and family 700 miles away and comparing my experiences (such as lack of a social life, etc) with everyone around me and feeling very picked on. I wasn't totally unhappy, mind you, I was enjoying going to the gym and crafting and being a mommy to my kids but I felt incomplete and like I said, discontent because I wanted more.

It was partially because of conversations I had with my sister when she came for the holiday and from reading the book "The Simple Home" by Sharon Hanby-Robie that I came to a realization that I can't have it all and actually, I don't want it all.
I want a simple life. I don't need a bunch of really nice things, like a flat-screen TV, a new sofa to make me happy. My kids don't need video games and expensive toys or a swimming pool or even playground equipment in the backyard to be happy either. I don't even need to have a packed schedule to be happy, in fact, I want less to do. My kids don't need to be a part of everything. My children just need balance. They need time to play. They need time to exercise and explore music. They benefit from being in extra-curricular activities but only to a point. The children I teach piano and violin to who are the happiest are those who are not over-burdend with too many activites.
What we really need is to be organized enough that we can have a peaceful home where we can spend time together enjoying each other. The goal of raising a family is not to make your child's life "perfect" by their immature definition of "everything they want" because that would be like feeding an insatiable monster.
I believe disconent is there to help me recognize something that is missing that I need to change, that I can change. For example, perhaps I do need to paint the bathroom so that it's a more pleasing space to be in. Or maybe I do need to add a shelves to the garage to keep better order to the space so I can find what I need when I need it. But if I am so full of discontent that I make myself feel picked on for things that I can not change, or I really can't afford at the moment such as that pair of designer jeans, or a brand new car, or anything that I can not change, I really am hurting my own self. Those things can be goals that I can work towards, but if there are so many things that I want that I become ingrateful for the things that I do have, I'm really just hurting myself and in a way abusing my reality rather than being grateful for the life that I am living at the moment. Maybe we don't live in the situation that we wish we did, but being angry or frustrated with what we have doesn't make us feel very happy.
The funniest thing has happened in this past month as I've tried to be more content with what I have or figure out what to do with what I have to create what I need; I've lost weight. I've lost the last 10 lbs that I've tried to lose for the past year. And guess what? I haven't changed anything, in fact I've actually worked out a little less and let my body rest more when I felt I needed it. Perhaps being happy with what you have has benefits. Perhaps, being conent has helped my hormones help me to actually become a more healthy weight. Who knows? All I know is that I am finally feeling really blessed with the things that I do have and with the life that I live. And I must say, that I feel really happy.

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