Challenge…

First thing, I’d like to announce that happily, to date, I have lost 40 lbs.  since having Vivian 7 months ago. 

That means that I’m actually 7 lbs less than I was before I got pregnant with her.  Of course, I did end up about 58 lbs heavier at the end of my pregnancy with her than I was before I first got pregnant with Christian. Thus, I have at least 18 more lbs that I’d like to lose and if possible more than that… But despite all that.  I’ve about 2/3 of the way to my goal weight. Wahoo!

Sadly, I still do not fit my old clothes that I could wear when I was seven lbs heavier before I got pregnant with Vivian.  They are still too small.  Dang it.  I guess I’ve kind of re-constructed my hips and ribs from being pregnant but they will (hopefully) go down and I am getting a lot closer.

If anyone’s interested in how I achieved my weight-loss since last I posted about this, I’ll tell you. 

Diet:  I had every intention of being on the South-Beach Diet, but that never quite worked out.  So, instead of beating myself up with a diet, I just cut out sweets except for once a week.  I actually have a thing for chocolate so I have a bar of high-quality very dark chocolate that I let myself have one square of if I feel desperate for it.  I figure it’s better that I have something with anti-oxidants in it than something that’s just purely sugar. :)  With my meals, I try to make sure that I have enough protein to keep me full and twice as many vegetables as protein.  I haven’t cut out carbohydrates like bread, rice, pasta and potatoes but I have do try to keep these proportions small (I do have a four-year old who is learning what is healthy by watching me and I need to be a good example).  I do not eat food that is ready-made (cold cereal doesn’t count) as a rule though once a week, I let myself have something from a restaurant, fast-food, deli or even a take-and-bake pizza.  As far as beverages go, I limit juice or soda to once a week, and only drink water or rice milk the rest of the time (I’m lactose intolerant, otherwise I’d be drinking regular milk too).

Exercise:  I started out exercising with a video three times a week.  This worked really well until about a month ago when I was just not losing any weight so I decided to up the frequency and go to four times a week.  This really helped me feel like I was accomplishing something.  That’s why two weeks ago I started exercising five times a week.  Holy Cow!  I feel fantastic!!!  I promise, I’m not just saying it!   I’ve been exercising three days, resting one, exercising two and then resting one.  It’s the days that I’ve rested are actually the days when I’m more tired, have less energy and feel just not as great.  It seems so ironic that I feel better when I’ve worked out than not. 

This brings me to the other thing that I wanted to write about.  It is the concept of  “challenge”.   As I’ve have the opportunity to be the mother of two human beings, I’ve been able to observe their development and how one moves from one skill set to another.

For example, from the time Vivian was about 3.5 months old, she would do little crunches.  Anytime you’d lay her flat on her back she would push with her little abdominal muscles with all her might and get her head up and  try to sit.  After a few weeks of this, she had gained enough strength to roll over.  After a few more weeks she figured out that if she rolled in succession she could actually get somewhere.

Now she can sit up straight for an indefinite amount of time once she’s put in the sitting position but she’s not quite to getting to the sitting up position on her own.  What do I find her doing all of the time?  I don’t know what else to call them but oblique exercises.  She lays on her side and does side kicks while she crunches in a side-ways manner.

All this observation has made me realize that:

1. One must challenge  themselves to get to a goal

2. It takes consistent trying to achieve any goal.

When I first started working out consistently, there was no way I could put as much energy into the moves as the person on the video.  There was just no way, I didn’t have the speed, strength or agility to do so.  That was okay, as long as I kept on trying.  Each subsequent time that I use a particular video, I try to challenge myself to do various moves with a little better posture, a little better form, and/or a little more energy the whole time while smiling (to try to convince my subconscious that this is supposed to make me feel good) and imagining my muscles getting stronger. The results have been remarkable!

As I finished my workout today, I realized, I wasn’t tired.  I felt great.  I felt energized, strong, beautiful and accomplished!  It didn’t feel like drudgery or something boring that I had to do.  I feel amazing!  I looked in the mirror today and realized I’m liking the way my shoulders are becoming more defined.  I’ve never really noticed that before.  It feels awesome!

I’ve been talking to my sister about this for a while, but I’m going to do an 100 days of exercise challenge.  I’m going to do 100 days of working out within six months.  I’m hoping to be able to do it closer to four months than six, but I’m going to give myself a little more time allotment just because I may be moving in the next couple of months, sick days sometimes happen and what can I say, life happens!  So, for the next few months I’m going to be challenging myself to be very consistent in my workouts.  These are my rules/guidelines to make sure that I can keep this up.

1.  Workout at least 20 minutes to count (preferably 10 minutes warm-up 30 minutes workout and 10-minutes cool down).

2.  I can count any kind of exercise whether it be yoga, Pilates, kick-boxing, dancing, running, weight-training…etc) as long as I do cardio 3 times a week.

3.  No excuses about fitting in my exercise.  I am a stay-at-home mom who has two children begging for my attention, but if I make exercise a real priority, it really can happen.  I can wake up before they do, let my 4-year-old join me while the baby sleeps, do it while they both sleep, or fit it in once my husband gets home.  That’s four options!  I really have no excuses do I?

4.  Remember this is about me.  This is about me taking care of me.  Not me trying to look like so-and-so.  This is me teaching my children to honor their bodies and see that it’s an important responsibility to take care of the body we’ve been given.  It’s about being my best self.

So, if anyone out there  cares, wish me luck.   I’m excited to see/feel how I will be when I’m finished with my 100 work-out challenge.

What shall the future be like…I wonder?

The last well, year, I’ve been really wondering what is going to happen.  Go figure.  I followed Jared out here into the desert, where there are no “real” mountains to wait out the year until he gets a job.  Of course, a job is a job.  You have to have a job to keep a family comfortable.   You also have to go where the jobs are available to have a job.  After going to school to get a graduate degree, nothing could be more silly, in my opinion, than to not at least try to get a job with said degree.

Well, Jared has basically interviewed all over this area, as well as in Oregon.  He actually has an interview in Utah that they are flying him out for tomorrow.  I am hopeful for this one more than any of the others, but that has more to do with selfish reasons than anything else.  I’m also filled with trepidation.

I have decided, after much thought, that wherever Jared wants to be is where I want to be.  Each job he has interviewed with is pretty diverse and it will be up to him to chose one he will be happy with.  I really hope that he takes a job in the place that God wants us to be.  As I’ve sat and pondered places and weighed the pros and cons of each…I have to say that I really have to trust Heavenly Father to put us in the place that will help our children bloom and grow to their full potentials—not only mentally, but spiritually as well.

I’m honestly nervous that we may be able to move back close to family.  I love my family.  I actually am almost crazy in my interest for their well-being and the interest I take in their lives.  That’s one of the big problems.  Not all of my family is all that interested in my life.  It is actually pretty painful to me.  Dang it.  I hate being a sensitive person, though I must say it’s better than being insensitive and unemotional. 

Of course, not everyone is this way, it’s just those in our family who are more concerned about being right than being kind to such a degree that they feel an obligation to shun or mock me for my varying perspectives—or just plain ignore me.

When we went to Utah at the beginning of the month, I had a real eye-opening experience as to who really even cares about me and my immediate family.  Let me just say that I have some wonderful, wonderful friends.  I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has been so benevolent in giving me such loving caring friends…who though they know I love to talk, sometimes to the extreme, are willing to take time out of their lives and show me that they love me just by talking to me.  It really means a lot.

Thankfully, I also have some incredibly sweet extended family members who were very kind to us and seemed delighted that we had taken the time to drive 700 miles to visit.  It really touched me especially that someone acknowledged the effort it took when some of the closer family did all they possibly could to avoid me.

That is the real problem.  Apathy.  I have some family members that were in my opinion, just plain thoughtless or to put it more bluntly cruel.  People who when I approached them and tried to be friendly and talk to them, because no one besides me was around to witness their rudeness, completely ignored me right as I stood there in front of them.

What have I done to deserve such treatment?  Do I want to move back to a place where I’m reminded of how much apathy members of my own family treat me with when all I have ever tried to do was be their friends?  It really hurts.

I also don’t want such feelings to hurt my children if we end up moving back.  If people can’t give you the time of day to at least be courteous, why should I waste my time being with them when I’m only going to go away feeling this deep painful pressure in my chest that can only be called heart-ach?  It seems incredibly ironic to me that those who strut around in their righteousness and their church callings often are the least Christ-like people of all.

After the first night when we were at my cousin’s wedding, it was only my aunt’s words of appreciation that kept me from going straight back home.  I was so happy to see everyone, but the treatment I got made me feel like an absolute fool for coming.  If we move back to Utah, I may opt out of family affairs and just see those family members who are considerate human beings with my time.

Do I want to move back to Utah?  I don’t know.  I want the good influences that our families can have on the children, but I don’t want the negativity from the ones who haven’t learned to be truly loving.  I want the support I can get from some but I don’t want the cruelness from the others.  Choices, choices.

It may be that after tomorrow, Jared doesn’t get the job so all my worrying will be for not.

Who knows what the future holds?

Daily Priorities...

The last month or so, I've been doing incredibly well at making exercise a priority. I am really proud of myself. I read in the book "Finding the Angel Within by Pamela H. Hansen that when the LDS Prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckely was interviewed once and was asked what were the most important things he did each day. His answer was scripture reading and exercise.

I find this so interesting. After a lot of pondering on this I have realized the wisdom of this. There are so many things to do each day, it is easy to get buried in them: Cleaning, cooking, laundry, feeding children mulitiple times a day, scripture reading, exercise, meal planning, church callings, errands to run, classes, friends and family to contact,....besides things that are "non-essentials" such as TV/Movie watching, reading, computer use, recreational activities such as going to the zoo and the park, crafting, scrapbooking, sewing...etc.

Life can get so complicated! I feel a headache coming on just thinking of all there is to be done. Of course prioritizing is an important part of this. What should our priorities be? As a mom, the needs of my children do come first. Of course it is easy to let their needs take first priority and for me to become so bogged down in them and their needs that I completely ignore my own needs. Not a healthy option. When Christian was a baby and quite unhappy (colicky maybe?) I was so desperate to make him happy that I didn't pay much attention to my needs and got pretty lost/confused/depressed because I wasn't really doing anything for me unless I was desperate.

Healthy children are born with the the natural instincts to help them get what they need. They cry. They cry when they need something; anything. They are not concerned about anyone else's needs. They are immature; Physically, mentally, emotionally. As they grow they learn to put others' needs ahead of their own and about delaid gratification. Some of us become better at this than others. Of course moderation in all things is a necessary ingredient to learn in life, otherwise we can let everyone else's needs become first and not take care of our own needs which is unhealthy; especially long term.

I decided that the easiest way to prioritize is by figuring out what the most important things in my life are. In my opinion, it's spiritual growth. On top of that, the whole reason I have life is because of my body, so I need to take care of that too since it's the vehicle that will carry me through to the end of my life.

It's silly for people to expect their cars to last for years and years without much thought to matainance other than adding gas regularly or the occasional oil change. Tires need to be rotated, air filters changed,...etc. It's the same with our bodies, if we don't take care of them, they aren't going to perform at the top capacity. They may still get you where you need to go but the ride may not be as smooth. It's the same deal with our bodies, they need nourishment, exercise, to be clean and sleep to be healthy.

I have spent so much of my life fighting my body. Wishing that it looked differently, that I didn't have the maladies I do. I have also experienced moments of triumph with my body, moments when I reached the top of a moutain, finished a race, completed a goal, maxed at 110 lbs on the bench press, held a yoga pose for 10 minutes, and gave birth. Those have been some of the most rewarding days of my life! I need to stop worrying about what I can't control and take responsibility for the things that I can. I can be a strong woman even if I can't be a tall slender one. I can be a loving mother that teaches her children how to become loving human begins. I can become spiritual strong through meditation, prayer, pondering and scripture study. I can do amazing things if I don't let all of the other little things in life crowd out what the most important things are.

That is why I'm trying to follow President Hinckley's lead and try to prioritize wisely and remember to take care of my spiritual and physical needs first. And what easier way than by daily exercising and scripture reading?!

What I've Learned...

This past weekend was my birthday. I am now realizing that my time-lines never work out just the way I think. Oh well. You live, you learn. Thus the reason I am posting today. I been contemplating about how much I've learned throughout this year. This has honestly been one of the most different years of my life. I have been pregnant, had a appendectomy, moved to a new state with a new climate, and had a baby and gone on six(!) trips this year. It's been very eventful in some ways and almost mundane in others. I know for sure this is a year I will never forget. Thankfully, along the way I have learned some valuable lessons. I may have learned some of them already and had to re-learn them, and I may have to remember them again. I thought I'd share them so perhaps (hopefully) I'll just remember.

1. Do not allow what you think other's think of you to stop or stifle your development.

2. It's not fair to others for me to be unforgiving or have preconcieved notions of what others can or can't acheive or what or who they are as a person.

3. It doesn't pay to avoid learning experiences that may be difficult. That is what gives us the highest sense of acheivement.

4. Life is short and precious, you never know when someone is going to leave; embrace them as well as each moment you've been given.

5. Family is everything--Let them know how you feel--use loving phrases as much as possible. It never hurts to show love; it only hurts to withhold love.

6. Even if you do not agree with others and/or their behaviors, the most important this is that you love them and encourage them to be their personal best.

7. Disagreeing is human; forgiveness is divine.

8. We were put on earth to become masters of ourselves.

9. Take time for physical and spiritual development each day; exercise and read scriptures daily for true strength.

10. Emotions are important. Be aware of them. Express them. It is important to recogize that they are emotions though and only a small glimpse of reality. Do not let them rule you by giving them too much stock.

I may later write a blog about each item if I get in the mood to explain myself.