Chocolate Tempation

Yesterday, I was sharing a bit of leftover chocolate with Christian (that I was hoping to get rid of). After we had finished what I had unwrapped, Christian turned to me and said in a frustrated tone, "Ya know mom, Chocolate is kind of bad because it just makes me want more and more!"

I couldn't agree more!
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I've got some good news and some bad news...

Well, the good news is that we are now looking to become homeowners! Hurray! I've waited seven and a half years for this!

The bad news is that my dearly loved sewing machine has bit the dust. Of course it happened the week that Jared's friend commissioned me to make some things for her new apartment. So, I went out the other day and just got a basic model Burnett sewing machine frome the Bernina store. The nice thing about it is that I can trade it in at a later date and upgrade to a nicer machine. Another nice thing, is that I get to take classes for free to help me understand my machine, plus free service for a year! Can't top that!

I also have been a very good girl and have worked out very consistantly and I am almost 50 less than I was at my heaviest (during the throngs of pregnancy). Not too shabby...especially considering I only gained 35 lbs during my pregnancy.

I think working out has just become much more of a part of my life than just some annoying thing I have to do every day (or at least should do). I love goals....they really do help me feel like I'm achieving something rather than wondering aimlessly. What are some goals that really have helped you feel like you're progressing forward?

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Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

Feeling Thinner…and Feeling Awake

Yesterday was a good day.  According to the lack of sleep I’ve had in the last 10 days or so, it was almost strange that I felt so great.  But you know what?

I Feel Thin!  And it Feels good.

I don’t necessarily look any different than I did last week.  I don’t even weigh any less.  But I feel good in my skin. 

What a relief!

I haven’t felt this way since Christian was two-and-a half and I was student-teaching which was two years ago.  I like it.

The most interesting thing about how I feel is that I have had an awful cold for the past 10 days or so and so have both of my children.  I have not slept so little since Vivian was a month old.  It’s times like these when I want a mommy of my own to come and take care of me…to bad my mom is 700 + miles away.

I had no motivation so I only exercised 3 times this past week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.   The week before that I was feeling my motivation slipping away and only ended up exercising four days that week instead of my initial resolve to exercise five and make it to 20 day in the month.  I only reached 19. 

I was feeling pretty mad at myself about this but I realized that I need to cut myself some slack.  I don’t need to let my self totally off the hook,  but I do need to be proud of what I do accomplish.

At least I didn’t stop exercising all together and call it quits.  Now I’m wondering if my giving myself more days to rest and recover has helped me actually feel better.  I’ll need to ponder on that.  I do know that after I met Jared and stopped running 5 miles almost everyday and instead played tennis every few days I actually started losing weight faster.  Who knows?

Anyway, I enjoy this “thin feeling”.  It might just be a state of mind or something.  I don’t know.

I was reading in someone’s blog last week that they didn’t feel good about themselves when they didn’t look good physically.  And because they had gain about 20 some-odd pounds they felt like they looked lazy.  This really upset me.  I know I was taking it somewhat out of context, but made me realize that this person for some reason associated “extra weight” with “laziness”.

Honestly, I don’t think that because someone has extra weight on them they are lazy.  Some of the most busy, hard working, selfless people I know are overweight by a little or even a lot.  I don’t think that makes them lazy or even look lazy.  Besides, how can we judge how lazy someone is by their appearance as long as they’re clean?  Who knows if they have been pregnant and had medical issues that kept them on bed rest or grew up in a family that made them “clean their plates”, or told them that children in Africa were starving so they should eat everything given them.   They might be trying their very hardest to lose weight and have made amazing strides.   How can I know that just by looking at them?  I can’t.  Sometimes though, I do wonder if they might be too tired to care about exercise or perhaps they have a medical issue that they don’t know how to deal with or perhaps they are too tired to work on even trying.

I know that I have been tired.  So very tired and walking in a haze during certain parts of my life that all I could manage was to make sure I took care of the basic essentials of hygiene (showering,wearing clean clothes, etc) and survival (eating, drinking etc) on top of the other things I had responsibilities towards (such as taking care of my son).

I know that I do feel better about myself when I take the time to exercise, I know that I look better too.  My skin is clearer and more supple, my muscles are more defined, I don’t feel as though I jiggle as much, my mind feels clearer, and most importantly, I am less tired!

I know it’s really difficult to get started exercising, but that’s the hardest part and after you do it you feel so much better and your body thanks you in so many ways.  I’m really proud of myself for not stopping exercising this week even though I felt crappy and unmotivated.  It reminds me of something my sister’s art teacher used to say “Everything has to have an ugly stage”.  Because these last 10 days have felt like a major ugly stage.

It was such a surprise to wake up yesterday and feel thin and happy after nights and nights of little sleep.  I attribute it to keeping up the exercise even when it was drudgery.  Thank goodness I didn’t throw in the towel because I feel thin, I feel strong and I feel awake!