Ponderings...

So I've been trying to get into the natural groove of things. It's now been three week since I gave birth to Vivian and I still haven't taken the time to write down her birth story...

...apparently it takes awhile to write and recall 27 hours of labor. Overall I think things went well with the hypnosis until I reached a 7 and stayed there from 2 am until 7 am. She was poisterior so I labored in my back and it was not fun though manageable as long as I focused. I sat on the balance ball and tried swiveling my hips until at 6:45 I finally felt her flip which was actually kind of a weird but I knew when it happened because sensations in my back became less intense. I'll give a more detailed report along with my thoughts on hypnobabies later when it can be more detailed...

...So far, she is an incredibly sweet little baby. She cries a lot less than I remember last time... but maybe I know how to deal with crying better than I did last time. Everyone who sees me tells me how good I look... I think this is because I'm sleeping more than I did the last month or so... I credit that to less bathroom use.

I am honestly feeling so much better than last time I think I might do this baby thing again and not as spread apart as last time. It's so fun to have a baby to cuddle again. All the night wakings don't seem like such a big deal now. I think perhaps I've gotten more used to having most of my time being used by taking care of my children so I'm sure I've had a paradigm shift since I became a mother and after all I did for my tiny baby I never felt like he cared about me at all. Maybe because I expected to give, give, give without receiving that my outlook on mothering has changed. Maybe it's just because I have my big boy who is fun and we have fun together and love each other and so it's not so hard to have a baby who's only focus is her needs....Maybe it's just a learning curb. Who knows?



I've been thinking about the sacrifices a mother gives for her children that are emotional, physical and mental...even women who can't have children and it's amazing. Fathers of course sacrifice a lot too but just giving birth alone is a very interesting sacrifice. Some women do it multiple times and it's amazing to me the work that goes into raising a child. Every child is some one's baby that survived through the sacrifices of someone which makes the worth of a soul so much more tangible to me. I love my children so much. I am so grateful for the sacrifices of the generations that came before me so that I could hold my babies in my arms.

Christian is the most elated boy to have this baby sister of his. The first thing he wants to know in the morning is how his baby sister is and where she is. All of his prayers ask Heavenly Father to make his baby sister grow up fast so that he can play with her. I really believe that he promised her in Heaven that he would make sure she wasn't forgotten and that he'd get mom and dad to have her. He's the one that always asked for a baby sister. It makes me wonder if this is a glimpse of the way the Savior feels towards us and why He was willing to sacrifice for us. It makes it much more meaningful that we are Heavenly Father's babies and that our Elder Brother was so in love with us He was willing to do the Father's will.