Well, I'm awake and it's 3:34 in the morning. I've been up for over an hour and since I can't sleep I thought I'd just work on a few things. I'm wondering why I keep waking up in the middle of the night but I'm thinking that it's probably partially because of the birds outside that are singing (arrg), the incredibly bright lamps lighting the path behind our apartment that my curtains just can't block out (arrg), or because Christian has had the habit of waking every night at about 2 a.m. for the past two months and I've grown accustomed to being awake at this hour. The frustrating thing is, I have no energy to deal with Christian when he wakes me up and tons of energy when I randomly wake in the middle of the night. I wonder why!?!
Right now I'm uploading songs from the CES video soundtracks onto my ipod so that I can (hopefully) find one for my lesson I'm giving next Sunday. My lesson (so far) is on receiving personal revelation. Right now I have 47 pages of information so I really need to hone down on what I'm going to focus on for this next week. What I really want to get at is that revelation is incredibly personal for each separate individual and that we have the responsibility to receive our own revelations and impressions without the right to judge what other individuals are doing because we don't know what they need. Only God knows us and all the baggage, experience, knowledge, wisdom, and capabilities we have as individuals. It is not fair to pit ourselves or others against our own experiences.
I hope that this topic will come together. I've felt really impressed to talk about these things since I was put in the Relief Society presidency and knew that I'd need to teach a lesson. I honestly don't think I'm the best person to teach this topic; I don't get revelations or impressions all of the time. I have, however, received witnesses of actions that I should take in my life. Some of these witnesses have been nothing more than feeling peace about a decision that I've made that just seems logical to the mind and right to my heart. I've also had dreams that have given me comfort, dreams that have prepared me for heartache, and dreams that let me see what I was blinded to. I have also felt the Holy Ghost guide me in ideas that pop into my mind of how to solve problems to questions, given me insights that were needed, thoughts to offer something to others, and most importantly given me warnings to keep myself or my family safe.
I really don't think that I'm incredibly spiritual as a person, especially since I became a mother it's been so much harder to do more than just survive some days. I do know that I have received guidance about my life and that I will receive further understanding as I try to be the best person that I can be and stay close to the Spirit. I know that many of the girls in my ward are dealing with various disappointments and are discouraged. I feel that understanding that we can ask for comfort and we deserve and have the right to receive revelation may help us as sisters. There are so many that don't even want to go to church because of the disappointment they feel in their own lives when they see other people receiving the desires of their hearts. It's so hard to see this happening because I can feel their pain for some of the very things that they desire but I am hoping that I can help buoy them up at least a little. I know that Heavenly Father wants to bless us and we need to just ask and His tender mercies will pour out upon us.
I really hope this lesson comes together in the next week. I've found so many good talks of preparing for revelation and such that I hope I don't want to give too little or too much.
