Finding a balance

I've been pondering lately on the concept of being content. It seems that so many influences in our lives try to get us to want more, more, more. Clothes that have more style...or just more clothes. A nicer house, a nicer car, a better school for our kids, a better body, more money, more vacations...etc. More of everything no matter what it is you do have, there's always something better. Of course it is true that there is always going to be something better out there than what we have. I do think that obsessing about things that we don't have right now breeds disconent. Being a little disconent of course is a good thing if it inspires us to be better and work harder but only to a point. Being discontent seems to hamper our gratitude level and how blessed we feel and can actually blind us to the joy that we could be reveling in.
For example, I have been wanting a house for years. I was incredibly excited to move into the beautiful area that we live in and a nice house that though it needs a little work, is more than what I ever had imagined in the beginning of my "home dreams". The weird thing about this area, is that in the ward that we live in, there are some homes that are a little bit bigger with more bells and whistles than the homes in our neighborhood.
This didn't bother me at first but after some disparageing remarks from some women in my ward about our neighborhood, our home, our furnishings (or lack of), I became caught up in a little "comparison" game in my mind. I was annoyed at those who thought what I didn't have wasn't enough but I also started second-guessing myself that I really did want the things that they thought I should have. Along with that came discontentment with the blessings that I had originally been so excited to have. In conjunction with that, I was missing my friends and family 700 miles away and comparing my experiences (such as lack of a social life, etc) with everyone around me and feeling very picked on. I wasn't totally unhappy, mind you, I was enjoying going to the gym and crafting and being a mommy to my kids but I felt incomplete and like I said, discontent because I wanted more.

It was partially because of conversations I had with my sister when she came for the holiday and from reading the book "The Simple Home" by Sharon Hanby-Robie that I came to a realization that I can't have it all and actually, I don't want it all.
I want a simple life. I don't need a bunch of really nice things, like a flat-screen TV, a new sofa to make me happy. My kids don't need video games and expensive toys or a swimming pool or even playground equipment in the backyard to be happy either. I don't even need to have a packed schedule to be happy, in fact, I want less to do. My kids don't need to be a part of everything. My children just need balance. They need time to play. They need time to exercise and explore music. They benefit from being in extra-curricular activities but only to a point. The children I teach piano and violin to who are the happiest are those who are not over-burdend with too many activites.
What we really need is to be organized enough that we can have a peaceful home where we can spend time together enjoying each other. The goal of raising a family is not to make your child's life "perfect" by their immature definition of "everything they want" because that would be like feeding an insatiable monster.
I believe disconent is there to help me recognize something that is missing that I need to change, that I can change. For example, perhaps I do need to paint the bathroom so that it's a more pleasing space to be in. Or maybe I do need to add a shelves to the garage to keep better order to the space so I can find what I need when I need it. But if I am so full of discontent that I make myself feel picked on for things that I can not change, or I really can't afford at the moment such as that pair of designer jeans, or a brand new car, or anything that I can not change, I really am hurting my own self. Those things can be goals that I can work towards, but if there are so many things that I want that I become ingrateful for the things that I do have, I'm really just hurting myself and in a way abusing my reality rather than being grateful for the life that I am living at the moment. Maybe we don't live in the situation that we wish we did, but being angry or frustrated with what we have doesn't make us feel very happy.
The funniest thing has happened in this past month as I've tried to be more content with what I have or figure out what to do with what I have to create what I need; I've lost weight. I've lost the last 10 lbs that I've tried to lose for the past year. And guess what? I haven't changed anything, in fact I've actually worked out a little less and let my body rest more when I felt I needed it. Perhaps being happy with what you have has benefits. Perhaps, being conent has helped my hormones help me to actually become a more healthy weight. Who knows? All I know is that I am finally feeling really blessed with the things that I do have and with the life that I live. And I must say, that I feel really happy.

At the Beginning of a New Year…

So I haven’t written in quite some time.  I was doing so well with my workouts and had reached the 3/4 point when we moved to a new house.  It’s interesting that once we moved I went down 2 more sizes though I only lost 5 lbs. and I wasn’t “working-out” formally.

When we first moved into the house, because of extra repairs that had to be made, we were short the money that we were planning on using  to have the house re-painted and re-carpeted.  So I started saving the blue envelopes that come in the mail to get the carpets all cleaned.  When I figured out that the price of having the carpets done professionally would be the same cost as buying my own steam cleaner, I thought “why not get a steam cleaner?  I have two hands.  Then I’ll always have it.”  So crazy little me, I bought a steam cleaner the day we closed on the house and the next day with my baby in one arm, cleaned 1,200 feet of carpet.  Luckily, I changed arms once in a while so that one of them didn’t fall off.  It was while I was cleaning the carpets that I realized something: whoever the last occupant of the house was, sure didn’t clean (maybe never) and didn’t have any reservations about putting pin holes in the walls.

So, for the past two months,  I have been worrying about spackling and painting walls, vacuuming carpets and mopping 1,400 feet of tile.  I am far from finished but I have the worse rooms in much better shape.

Now I’m wishing that I had paid better attention to my body and my diet.  Yes, I’ve lost a little weight and a couple of sizes, but I feel guilty about letting my goal slide.  I’ve been debating just picking up where I left off and give myself an extension or starting over.

I think I will give myself an extension, but I think I also should just pat myself on the back and just be proud of myself for keeping at something—even with a hiatus.  It’s not like I haven’t been working anyway!  We all need a little forgiveness now and then so I’m going to start out the New Year with not a “Do-Over” but with some forgiveness and a “I Can Do It” attitude.

Besides, exercise is a goal that should be on-going, not a, “You blew it and now you have to start all over again!” kind of a thing.  It’s a gradual lifestyle change that can change you from the inside out. 

I’m still going to keep up my home improvements  this year, but I’m going to try just a little harder to work on my self improvements as well.

Chocolate Tempation

Yesterday, I was sharing a bit of leftover chocolate with Christian (that I was hoping to get rid of). After we had finished what I had unwrapped, Christian turned to me and said in a frustrated tone, "Ya know mom, Chocolate is kind of bad because it just makes me want more and more!"

I couldn't agree more!
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I've got some good news and some bad news...

Well, the good news is that we are now looking to become homeowners! Hurray! I've waited seven and a half years for this!

The bad news is that my dearly loved sewing machine has bit the dust. Of course it happened the week that Jared's friend commissioned me to make some things for her new apartment. So, I went out the other day and just got a basic model Burnett sewing machine frome the Bernina store. The nice thing about it is that I can trade it in at a later date and upgrade to a nicer machine. Another nice thing, is that I get to take classes for free to help me understand my machine, plus free service for a year! Can't top that!

I also have been a very good girl and have worked out very consistantly and I am almost 50 less than I was at my heaviest (during the throngs of pregnancy). Not too shabby...especially considering I only gained 35 lbs during my pregnancy.

I think working out has just become much more of a part of my life than just some annoying thing I have to do every day (or at least should do). I love goals....they really do help me feel like I'm achieving something rather than wondering aimlessly. What are some goals that really have helped you feel like you're progressing forward?

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Feeling Thinner…and Feeling Awake

Yesterday was a good day.  According to the lack of sleep I’ve had in the last 10 days or so, it was almost strange that I felt so great.  But you know what?

I Feel Thin!  And it Feels good.

I don’t necessarily look any different than I did last week.  I don’t even weigh any less.  But I feel good in my skin. 

What a relief!

I haven’t felt this way since Christian was two-and-a half and I was student-teaching which was two years ago.  I like it.

The most interesting thing about how I feel is that I have had an awful cold for the past 10 days or so and so have both of my children.  I have not slept so little since Vivian was a month old.  It’s times like these when I want a mommy of my own to come and take care of me…to bad my mom is 700 + miles away.

I had no motivation so I only exercised 3 times this past week on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.   The week before that I was feeling my motivation slipping away and only ended up exercising four days that week instead of my initial resolve to exercise five and make it to 20 day in the month.  I only reached 19. 

I was feeling pretty mad at myself about this but I realized that I need to cut myself some slack.  I don’t need to let my self totally off the hook,  but I do need to be proud of what I do accomplish.

At least I didn’t stop exercising all together and call it quits.  Now I’m wondering if my giving myself more days to rest and recover has helped me actually feel better.  I’ll need to ponder on that.  I do know that after I met Jared and stopped running 5 miles almost everyday and instead played tennis every few days I actually started losing weight faster.  Who knows?

Anyway, I enjoy this “thin feeling”.  It might just be a state of mind or something.  I don’t know.

I was reading in someone’s blog last week that they didn’t feel good about themselves when they didn’t look good physically.  And because they had gain about 20 some-odd pounds they felt like they looked lazy.  This really upset me.  I know I was taking it somewhat out of context, but made me realize that this person for some reason associated “extra weight” with “laziness”.

Honestly, I don’t think that because someone has extra weight on them they are lazy.  Some of the most busy, hard working, selfless people I know are overweight by a little or even a lot.  I don’t think that makes them lazy or even look lazy.  Besides, how can we judge how lazy someone is by their appearance as long as they’re clean?  Who knows if they have been pregnant and had medical issues that kept them on bed rest or grew up in a family that made them “clean their plates”, or told them that children in Africa were starving so they should eat everything given them.   They might be trying their very hardest to lose weight and have made amazing strides.   How can I know that just by looking at them?  I can’t.  Sometimes though, I do wonder if they might be too tired to care about exercise or perhaps they have a medical issue that they don’t know how to deal with or perhaps they are too tired to work on even trying.

I know that I have been tired.  So very tired and walking in a haze during certain parts of my life that all I could manage was to make sure I took care of the basic essentials of hygiene (showering,wearing clean clothes, etc) and survival (eating, drinking etc) on top of the other things I had responsibilities towards (such as taking care of my son).

I know that I do feel better about myself when I take the time to exercise, I know that I look better too.  My skin is clearer and more supple, my muscles are more defined, I don’t feel as though I jiggle as much, my mind feels clearer, and most importantly, I am less tired!

I know it’s really difficult to get started exercising, but that’s the hardest part and after you do it you feel so much better and your body thanks you in so many ways.  I’m really proud of myself for not stopping exercising this week even though I felt crappy and unmotivated.  It reminds me of something my sister’s art teacher used to say “Everything has to have an ugly stage”.  Because these last 10 days have felt like a major ugly stage.

It was such a surprise to wake up yesterday and feel thin and happy after nights and nights of little sleep.  I attribute it to keeping up the exercise even when it was drudgery.  Thank goodness I didn’t throw in the towel because I feel thin, I feel strong and I feel awake!

Lack of Motivation

I have no idea what is wrong with me!  I have absolutely ZERO motivation to workout this week!  Maybe it’s hormones…who knows?  I have been continuing my schedule and I’m on workout 17 today but I really don’t want to do ANYTHING!  Maybe it’s because it does take a chunk of productivity out of my day and is a sacrifice.

Hopefully this drudgery feeling will pass and I’ll get back into being more excited about my workouts so that I can enjoy them.  Maybe I just need to switch things up a little and find something new to do to get my body moving…

Faith Affirmations

A girl from the hypno-babies group forum asked for some “Faith Promoting Affirmations”.  I put together a list of them.  The first ones are referenced to scriptures in the Bible and the next group are directly related to either The Proclamation on the Family, or other LDS scripture.

 

 

Faith Affirmations

From the Bible

My baby has a divine nature and destiny.

(Jeremiah 1:5)

My baby is a heritage of the Lord

(Psalms 127:3)

I have the power of love and of a sound mind

(2 Timothy 1:7)

I will be patient

I am doing God’s will by giving my baby life

(Hebrews 10:36)

I will have Faith that my baby’s birth will be beautiful

(Hebrews 11:1)

Every good and perfect gift comes from God

(James 1:17)

My baby is of a chosen generation

(1 Peter 2:9)

God’s divine power gives my baby’s life

(2 Peter 1:3)

My baby is a child of the Lord

I am a child of the Lord

(Deuteronomy 14:1) (Psalms 2:6)

God makes me a joyful mother of my baby

(Psalms 113:9)

My baby is pure and beautiful

(Matt 18:3)

God is my strength and my power

(2 Samuel 22:33)

I am full of power by the spirit of the Lord

(Micah 3:8)

From The Proclamation on the Family and other LDS resources

My baby is created in God’s image

My baby is a beloved spirit child of heavenly parents

My baby has chosen to receive his or her body

I have been chosen to be this baby’s mother

The creation of my baby’s mortal life is divinely appointed

I have been given the solemn responsibility to love and care for my baby

I have been given a sacred duty to love my baby

I have been given the sacred charge to provide for my baby’s physical and spiritual needs

I am responsible for the nurture of my baby

Because of Eve’s great choice, I can have my baby and my baby will bring me JOY

(Moses 5:10)

I need not fear for I am the Lord’s

(Doctrine and Covenants 50:41)

The power and goodness of the Lord is over all the inhabitants of the earth

(1 Nephi 1:14)